Part of being an effective communicator is keeping a balanced view and keeping our thoughts, emotions and our own self talk under control.This could be in every day communications, negotiations or when we are about to have a difficult conversation. There are 5 common unhelpful thinking styles that can sabotage or interfere with these conversations. Being aware of them and recognising them can go along way to calming our self talk and creating an effective conversation. The 5 unhelful thinking styles are:
- Over Personalising: Assuming that what has occurred is all your fault and hence we beat ourselves up. When we receive feedback or something does not turn out exactly as we expected, don’t place the blame fully on yourself.
- Catastrophising: Building an issue up to the extent that a small problem becomes, in your mind, a complete disaster.
- Unreasonable Expectations: I should always be right, I should never say the wrong thing, or hurt someone’s feelings.
- Overgeneralising: Believing or expressing views with extreme “never” or “always “ e.g. I am never lucky or I am always wrong.
- Disproportioning: Blowing up some factors out of proportion and disregarding other factors in a selective way e.g. dismissing all of the helpful things someone has done over the past week and focusing on their one mistake or their one selfish act.
Learn to recognise these thoughts and you will approach your conversations with a more balanced perspective.